I caught myself playing a game my Ego used to enjoy: “I wonder what would happen if I had only…”
In my version of this game, I jumped back to various scenarios from my past, wondering how my life would have changed if I had made a different decision than the one I made while standing at the proverbial fork in the road.
The irony of this is apparent. Here I am, writing a mindfulness blog about living in the Now, when my mind travels back to visit a different version of me, one that I no longer recognize. I remind myself that I was a different person all those years ago, that I trusted my intuition to make the decision that was right for me at the time. No, I cannot call this regret. This feeling is fueled by curiosity and expansion beyond the palpable world that we know, propelling me to question, to seek.
The mind loves to play games, to weave stories. It doesn’t want to be silenced. Ego thrives upon loud conversations, but most of them do not come from a place of love. Regret can be replaced by trust. After all, an intuitive decision is the best decision we can ever make. … Or is it? Self-doubt can be helpful sometimes, allowing us to be logical, cerebral when we are at risk of losing ourselves to our emotions. Overindulgence in such thoughts, however, is the antithesis of mindful living.
I’m taking the concept of minimalism and decluttering to a whole new level, purging my mind of thoughts that do not serve me. Who has the time for all that, anyway? Instead, I remind myself of my focus right here and now. I press a bit more firmly on an invisible stamp that will mark my goals, as though etching them in the firmaments, imprinting them in the dense fibres for which I grope in the dark. I allow myself to be with the feeling of unease, recognizing it for what it is. And I trust that I am making the right decision for me at this time, armed with past experience and my greatest ally: my intuition. Forward!